What is this bungler doing here? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Yes, I heard the phone ring, I heard you say Mairzy Doats, and I watched you eat a wad of paper. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What is it at your camp, Klink? Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's the hotel, all right. Cpl. A becomes E if followed by P. When preceded by U, then E becomes B and U becomes P and sometimes Y except afert C. However, what they've done here- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Just read the message. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Yeah, that's not the code Oh, it's the old double-look method. Discover and share Hogans Heroes Colonel Klink Quotes. Signed General Jodl for the F?hrer." Colonel Hauptmann is a very lucky man. Hogan: Do I have to repeat the orders that were given to us when this happy little band of wandering minstrels was formed? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan, you don't understand. You can transfer to a frontline combat unit. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Warm milk? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Look Metzler, why can't you understand? We got our rights; we're as good as they are. Peter Newkirk: Yes, good thing the mail arrived. General von Rauscher: I AM IN CHARGE OF SECURITY- Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, no. Carter: Hello? Andrew Carter: [dressed as Klink] Maybe you better run through it once more. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Witness? Andrew Carter: You Germans can't get together on *anything.*. In it, we wer. Baroness Lili von Schlichter: Colonel, I will be safe here? My dear Major, there is no danger of it firing Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Colonel Feldkamp would have to be a Standartenfhrer. Well, it's obvious, Major. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: And a dancing lesson. Sgt. | Look, if the Germans can have an American prisoner, why can't the Americans have a German prisoner. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Who's defending him? | Lucky for you, I was *loaded*. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: But, uh where is there to go in a prison camp? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: So you have told me and told me and told me! Major Hochstetter: Everybody under arrest! Cpl. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, thank you, Hogan. Sgt. So you know I'm not crazy. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Hogan? Sgt. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [hangs up] We've got him. [walks over to a portrait of Hitler] He dares call himself Supreme Commander. Sgt. Cpl. In the second place this isn't a social visit, its official. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You're the same bunch of guys that put him in business. Do you allow this sort of thing? : General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: First suppose you tell me what you were doing there. We had pistachio, but one of the guards shot it with a machine gun. Col. Wilhelm Klink: What brings you to Stalag 13? : Although I do appreciate your sense of humor. Col. Robert E. Hogan: He won't talk to save his life or will he? Hochstetter, I am in charge of this project. Goering is a fat rat fink. You'd make somebody a good wife. If they see anybody suspicious, shoot them. If my head is to roll, all heads will roll. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Sounds like a hotel room I once had in Cleveland. Hochstetter: Why not? [Hochstetter wakes Klink up in the middle of the night]. That's fifty miles away through the heart of Germany. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [shouting] And more, I wanna tell you [Klink and Hochstetter shout into each other, so you can barely understand what they're shouting]. - Oh, excuse me a moment, general. "Hogan's Heroes Quotes." [Hogan pretends to have passed out from drinking]. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Oh, no, no. He doesn't have a clue. The boys think I'm a hero. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [annoyed] Colonel Hogan, I'm very busy this morning - dispatches from Berlin. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What is this man doing here? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Someone around here has to be. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [dismissive] He really knows how to hurt a guy. Col. Robert E. Hogan: If Carter's bombs don't do it, we may have to poison that bridge. Col. Wilhelm Klink: What are you waiting for? I meant green dress, of course. You've already figured how to turn this to your advantage. Poor Putzie. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, you have nothing to worry about, sir. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Even if the wrong man comes along, you'd better grab him. And I believe a full corporal. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You're pulling my leg. Hans Georg Schultz: I said 'Achtung!'. Not sufficient entertainment, perhaps. Colonel Crittendon: Good? *I am responsible for security here! Andrew Carter: I hate to say this, Colonel, but I don't see any way we're going to get our hands on that briefcase. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You're still going to send me home, aren't you? You know nothing! Let's knock out that bridge. General von Rauscher Take them away. For possibly the first time, Klink is entirely sure of himself]Major Hochstetter: Well, now, Klink, are you ready to hand him over to me?Colonel Klink: Major Hochstetter! Sgt. Witness? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: We are here on a rather delicate matter - internal service politics. You'd better brush up on your German, Schultz. I accept it with the deepest of humility. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Don't let the war make you cynical, sir. We are determined to destroy this fool at any cost. We're going to rebuild the bridge with a very special feature. Sergeant Walters: You mean you're going to stage a raid from a prison camp? I will surround this camp with a ring of steel. Hans Georg Schultz: Colonel Hogan, he said a terrible thing to you! Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Major Hochstetter, Herr General, in charge of security here, and you're all much too close to this rocket. The most wanted man in Germany and we've got him. Andrew Carter: Well, I'm still willing to try, Colonel. Louis LeBeau: Yes he does! I don't want to hear any more of your lies. I must explore the matter further alone. These lines are drawn from the points where the sabotage has taken place. I'd rather depend on me. Col. Robert E. Hogan: We still gotta figure a way to make more ammunition. Col. Wilhelm Klink: You have certainly come to the right man for delicate matters. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Well, it's in code. But it IS time for Roll Call. General von Behler: Stalag 13? If they get you, I am next. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Who knows? Peter Newkirk: Where are we going to hide a tank? Cpl. Schultz: No, no, it is Major Hochstetter. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I assume you have set up a strong guard for the plane? They got him. [He puts it on and looks in a mirror], Col. Robert E. Hogan: He's also given you a new name, Schultz. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Speak up, Schultz. You heard the phone ring. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter You live better than Goering and you're twice as big! Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's a terrible thing to do. His most memorable phrase he said throughout the series was "What is this man doing here? Take him away, Klink. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Yes, that does it. Sgt. He's made you an honorary Chief of the Sioux tribe. Col. Robert E. Hogan: And then Wagner's brother shoots Colonel Klink. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Perfect! Col. Wilhelm Klink: [the men are planting flowers] I was not aware that you were such a nature lover. Hans Georg Schultz: Oh, I'm sorry, Freddy. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: [skims through a collection of maps and finds Pittsburgh] Pittsburgh? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [does so] Sorry, general. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Yes, but Klink is such a stupid one. Sgt. Louis LeBeau: A dancing lesson? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Thirty days is an cruel and human unjustified punishment, to be inflicted only by a sadist. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: It just doesn't seem possible. Honestly, I could cry. Sgt. Scene with great timing between the three actors (Howard Caine, Werner Klemperer, and John Banner). Hans Georg Schultz: He called you a liar! We can't keep a prisoner! Web. What better place to keep him. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: The message is: "I am foul. KLINK Go get Colonel Hogan. And Schultz, for once keep your fat mouth shut. Gertrude Linkmeyer: I would like to get married again if the right man came along. I mean, the Klink here - you don't mean him. Hogan: Lucky for you, we're going to get you out of this country. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: As who is? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink! That British agent? Peter Newkirk: Monkey, Schultz? Did you hear me? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Did I say red dress? General von Rauscher: I AM IN CHARGE OF SECURITY- Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE? Alright, alright. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: This is the message? Kindly be just as clever and get these plans out of this one. Colonel Klink: This is Germany. Sgt. Sometimes The Great Impersonation The Pizza Parlor The 43rd, a Moving Story How to Cook a German Goose by Radar Psychic Kommandant The Prince from the Phone Company The Safecracker Suite I Look Better in Basic Black The Assassin He'll try to use the tunnel a day earlier and really escape. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Yeah, that's right. Peter Newkirk: All the way around? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, oh, Herr General, you're much thinner than I thought you'd be. Sgt. Sgt. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I'm glad, there was no time to consult you in advance. Cpl. If my head is to roll, all heads will roll. What is this man doing here? So handsome and so unlucky. Please! General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I know, and it still mystifies me. Andrew Carter: We haven't got time Our what? Major Hochstetter I will surround this camp with a ring of steel. Hans Georg Schultz: No, no. Am I not clever? Throw away the key. Hogan's HerosHogan meets Major Hochstetter for 1st timeWhat is this man doing here Now that you all know it [Schultz leaves and then re-enters the room]. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Neither am I. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Schultz, close the gates! Col. Wilhelm Klink: But, But this is classified, General. General Stauffen: The greatest military minds Germany has ever produced. Carter: [answers the phone in a mock-German accent] I'm sorry, you've got the wrong number. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You heard the commandant, now back to your post. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. That's a good one. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [Zagoskin hands him his notebook] Until I clear you, you will please stop inventing. A child could do that. Quotes [repeated line, indicating Colonel Hogan] Major Hochstetter : WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE? Did you hear me? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Isn't it about time you found out. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You have one simple alternative, Commandant. I'll call headquarters and have them send over a cryptologist. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Major Hochstetter, you won't believe this. Here's my reward. But I shall be waiting for him. Back to Stalag 13. The ultimate weapon didn't quite work out. I want you to tell me in your own words exactly how did the radio detector truck get put out of action? Born Howard Cohen in Nashville, Tennessee, he appeared in a Hal Roach Our Gang skit that was being filmed there, and took an interest in becoming an actor. Col. Robert E. Hogan: I think I have an idea on how to explain the noise. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: If you did, I wouldn't be asking. Col. Wilhelm Klink: You're a little late, my friend. Colonel Klink: Schultz, into the cooler they go. You may be able to solve it anyway. I mean, how do you roll a *head*? Col. Wilhelm Klink: What's there to behold? Hans Georg Schultz: Why? I shall do it right away. Louis LeBeau: I will personally hold them spellbound with my repertoire of songs, dances and snappy patters. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Personally? A new order is coming, a new order! I must remember to mention it to my dear Uncle Karl when I write him. Hochstetter for example would have to be a Sturmbannfhrer. Cpl. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Oh, Nimrod is a very brilliant man. General von Rauscher, Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hans Georg Schultz: Colonel Hogan, if you ever escape Sgt. "Funny Thing Happened on the Way to London" has as Canadian Lloyd Bochner playing dual roles as an Englishman and a German. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Ah, Major Hochstetter, always a pleasure to see your smiling face. That's why I was known to my classmates as 'The Eagle'. You can depend on me. If he asks questions, do not act as if you know anything. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: So you are all under arrest. : Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR SECURITY HERE. That's the third tray of hors d'oeuvres LeBeau has sent in. LeBeau glares at him] At 9:55, I go into the station master, and I tell him I have this package that has to go out on the Berlin Express. Hans Georg Schultz: But don't let the commandant see the monkey. What is going on there? But, that's not the worst thing we did. Well, Colonel, what you say, hmm? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Major Hochstetter a character not in the main cast was played by an American actor, as was French resistance leader Tiger. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I feel the same way. Just let us all know when it's time for Roll Call, will you? Starring Bob Crane as Colonel Robert Hogan, the show was set in a German prisoner of war (POW) camp for Western Allied prisoners during World War II . [Myra and Newkirk are being held in a German prison]. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I wouldn't believe one word you said, Hogan. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [after catching Schultz accepting items from the prisoners] Cigarettes? Please. [Major Hochstetter returns to Stalag 13, demanding that Klink surrender the man in hiding. Col. Wilhelm Klink: This time tell me the good news first. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Honest with you? Major Hochstetter Hogans Heroes Quotes: top 7 famous quotes about Major Hochstetter Hogans Heroes List 7 wise famous quotes about Major Hochstetter Hogans Heroes: I deal with the obvious. When the Allies march in the front gate, it'll go a lot easier for you if you're standing there with a bouquet of pansies. Everybody out, out, out, out, out, out, out! Col. Wilhelm Klink: [looks in Newkirk's mouth] Aha! If we're wrong, what are they going to do? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I'm sure Mrs. Burkhalter was famished when she arrived. Cpl. Hans Georg Schultz: I could use a few letters myself. He said 'Achtung' so I said 'Good morning' right back to him. Sgt. He has saved us all. Sgt. Louis LeBeau: Then why are they bringing it here? Mix 'em up. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Be quiet and listen to the music! Quotes [] Mueller looks at picture of Sgt. Gen. der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: You may learn a few things anyway. Of course you are. Was it really Colonel Crittenden who was responsible for yesterday? Col. Robert E. Hogan Responsible for the security of our witness. Col. Robert E. Hogan What is going on there? The Adolf Hitler Bridge is still in business. Hans Georg Schultz: Don't you know no one is allowed outside after roll call? Col. Robert E. Hogan Col. Robert E. Hogan: So what? Hogan: [the phone rings while Hogan's men are cracking a safe] Answer the phone, tell him it's the wrong number. All heads will roll! Many are unaware that he was. Col. Robert E. Hogan: I broke up a beautiful friendship. Major Hochstetter: WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE? Col. Wilhelm Klink: I'm really not in need of another officer. What is going on there? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Mm-hmm, we think it'll, uh it'll go a lot easier for you, sir - you should be prepared. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Hans Georg Schultz: Don't they drink tea in France? You are now Big Chief Running Bear Who Goes Swift And Sure To Beer Garden. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I haven't asked you anything yet. Colonel Klink: If those orders are not carried out, both you and the courier will be court-martialed, shot and sent to the Russian front! "What happend to the Duke of York?" Actor: Judgment at Nuremberg. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Then what's the bad news? [Hogan's men react angrily when he volunteers to help rebuild the Adolf Hitler Bridge in exchange for Klink's promise to reopen the recreation hall]. I was the top man in my unit. Alf the Artist: [after coming up out of the emergency tunnel] Ah, thank you very much. Back, back, all of you. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: You read it to me, please, major. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Well, that's the way I picture him. Cpl. Peter Newkirk: I'm going to need a few things, you know. | The weather is getting a little nippy. Hans Georg Schultz: That's right! Andrew Carter: I yell and scream at him, call him a few twelve-letter names, and if he still gives me an argument, I think of something else. Col. Wilhelm Klink: General Burkhalter, What an unexpected pleasure to see you again sir. Sgt. And it makes me feel good all over. Still, you're a likable clod. Cpl. Bring the Third Reich to its knees." : Sgt. Klink isn't too bright, you know. Col. Robert E. Hogan: No, you're funny enough. Andrew Carter: Hey, gang! General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink, you meant the lady in the red dress, and she has been eating steadily for an hour and a half. Hogan:"Last night I dreamt Schultz ate all the dynamites." LeBeau:"With him that's possible." Klink:"I can smell the sauerbraten. You can't take it home, sir. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [addressing the prisoners] And while I'm on leave Col. Kureger will be in charge of Stalag 13. I'm worried about spying. Hans Georg Schultz: You forgot pigs By the way who are we talking about? Louis LeBeau: Under the Geneva Convention, I don't have to teach you to dance. Failure punishment execution by firing squad. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Ah, I always have a glass before bedtime makes me sleep like a baby. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Traitors, all of them. Cpl. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Newkirk, can you pick a lock? I'm trying to save your *life*! Col. Robert E. Hogan: You must know some nice kids. SCHULTZ May I ask, are we deserting to Switzerland or Sweden? Sgt. Louis LeBeau: All you're gonna get is my name, rank and serial number. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Could also mean heavy equipment. Ja, I believe I have. Peter Newkirk: [looking at the burnt money in his hand] It's the story of my life. No one has ever escaped from Stalag 13. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, Herr General, don't I always do a good job for you? I will surround this camp with a ring of steel. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Are you sure you have the right man, Doctor? He has saved us all. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR SECURITY HERE. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: How do you explain this, Klink? Col. Wilhelm Klink: That is exactly what I was going to say, General. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Well, we've got our own prison. Col. Wilhelm Klink: The Ping-Pong tournament is canceled. Cpl. Hans Georg Schultz: When I say 'Achtung' that means that you all are to SNAP to attention. | Col. Wilhelm Klink: The highest authority? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Now, that's the worst blow of all. A secret is sacred to me. Boy, that stuff is really unstable! Colonel Klink: I will thank him the next time I see him, huh? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Col. Wilhelm Klink: [on telephone] What was that? It is, or should be, the title of a book that I'm hoping one of you out there will write someday. Col. Wilhelm Klink: But why should that responsibility fall upon me? I'm a prisoner. [Schultz had been drinking wine all afternoon]. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: And if you ever tell anyone, I will have you kept in this cooler for a year. Official Sites [Zagoskin hands him his notebook] Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You will be shot. I have? [Normal tone of voice] You make me feel terrible. Anchors Aweigh, Men of Stalag 13 Happy Birthday, Adolf The Gold Rush Hello, Zollie It Takes a Thief. Now, I don't want to sound like I'm blowing my own horn but General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: You sound like a whole brass band. Coming from the Gestapo, that sounds very funny. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Time changes things, God changes things, the dictators change things, but writers can't change anything. : Col. Wilhelm Klink: The fat prosecutor, whoever that is. This whole thing doesn't makes sense. Probably an oversight at headquarters. I want you to give that a lot of thought on your way to the Eastern Front. Schultz: Col. Hogan if you ever escape Schultz: Be a good fellow and take me with you. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Ja, I believe I have. I got so excited. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: That's my wife. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Well, you could have asked Lily to dance with him at least once. Sensational. Have you read his book on the chain of command? He is our witness. [everyone except Hogan continues to shout and sing]. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You may come and go as you please, Kommandant. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [after being made a joke] Klink, you are the Kommandant here. Colonel Klink: If the prisoners ask any questions about these explosions, you know nothing; you are ignorant.
